The Nursing Life, If I were to Time Travel

Well, I start nursing soon.

Truth be told people, I didn't know how things in life would have turned out, but in all honesty, they weren't that great. I couldn't get off the floor and move on up with my life and things got difficult to say the least.

For starters, like I said, I lost everything. Manga, old video games, anime and all that good stuff. When 2011 hit and the economy got really bad, finding work got hard and I didn't finish my undergrads until 2012. I crammed all those classes in but i was always a really bad student and not good either.

Kinesiology seemed good at the time to help with fitness and the trend of helping people keep healthier and younger longer with fitness and correct eating habits, but all that changed after a while.

Like I said before, I was mentally raped back in 2008 when I was conned by a con artist and I to this day still get freaked out. I can't go out and feel comfortable or safe around people or things that are products of the mainstream, and I lived life secluded and shy away from people to the point that it did drive me crazy looking for things I wanted, subconsciously, I didn't know what I was doing and thought I did, but I didn't. And should've kept away from people and groups.

As mentioned before, I was a big media enthusiast into anime, manga, music and games, but then ended up getting caught up with different groups of people that drove me mad. I got into lots of trouble with these people too when I thought they were doing well with college degrees, but things didn't turn out all that great. I still owe money for school and cant move out or find work. I initially was going for nursing after being mentally raped. This was the time when I actually was considering of leaving art because I didn't have the patience for it, nor was I liking it either. Especially with how competitive it was and I was hoping I could live comfortable making millions off of residuals doing nothing and living away from society in my own home. I was wrong. Heck, I didn't know life was still going to be like that, and I honestly hated it.

It's honestly embarrassing when you're living at home at 28 and still can't find work or get a girlfriend at all. I have held jobs before, but they got me sick after a while. I am a very sickly person always feeling sick and was desperate for help for 8 years that I have still been working to get rid of.

I still want my manga, anime and video game collection to be perfect and expanding it so that my future family can enjoy them. I always wanted a girlfriend I can spend time playing with and enjoying time with, but that might also not happen anymore since I'm 10 years out of high school and that dream can't be met anymore. I wanted to have that so bad in college, but my generation was pretty bad and it was hard.

I didn't get to live life the way I wanted to. I got involved in drugs as I said before to try to get rid of the creepy garbage sensation I had and I didn't like it. I always liked to stay safe and comfortable and away from people, but realististically, I wasn't going to get work or get up in life like I wanted. I worked with bands in the past that all eventually split up, some came back and all, but it's all no longer the same. I was in the creative field but didn't get to utilize my gifts or talents at all, and also, I wasn't a good person to deal with period.

Here's a life lesson I learned if I were to go back in time to speak to my younger self and change things up:

1: Don't get into art, spend time going thru school for nursing, because knowing you, you like making money and working hard for it. Looking for a break and getting big thru art and music is not realistic. Get over it.

2: Don't expect to live the way you do pirating and torrrenting all that stuff you do. It's not cool and disrespectful towards the people who put their hard work into those things.

3: It's ok to stay at home if you have anxiety, It's perfectly fine. Just don't go out looking for bad attention. Don't hang out with big league, just watch a show, ask for music and keep going doing what you think is good.

4: forget about being a mangaka, ever. Keep doing all that good stuff as a hobby, but you'll never make it as an artist, nor will you succeed with any of that stuff, because realististically, it's a ridiculous pipe dream that you will never get out of. Those people who make that money, really don't make a lot and have to keep spreading it out to the people involved in the projects.

5: Do your research. Have good quality taste, but NEVER, EVER become an elitist hipster troll. EVER. It makes you look like an ass and make you not good to hang around with and people will hate and rag on you and you'll still keep going thru life like a complete ignorant pseudo intellectual. It's not good for you.

6: Don't go out trying to be a punk or follow scenes, images or any of that garbage, it makes you look stupid and bad, and don't go to hastings on your mom's birthday 8 years ago for that guy to come and trick you. It cost you alot and set you back in life really bad.

This event really scarred me for life. It was very bad and I didn't like it. It affected me on all levels and have never been comfortable again ever since. the past 6-7 years was a blink of an eye to me and it all still feels like yesterday to me too. I can't get over it. I wasted yeras of my life getting nowhere when I kept trying to live good and comfortable and stressed myself to the point my hair has been falling out. And the young me being vulnerable looking for companionship and friends wanting to get along and be along with people could still never get along with people at all. It really sucked alot getting cut out and going and looking for people I could get along with. But the truth is, I should have prayed and asked god for help, which I did for the dealign and getting out of that garbage gut I got into, but it sucks... years of my life taken, never got to live good and comfortable, and every time I had money, it was always gone. My dad never really gave me much when I worked and always controlled my spending to keep things his way and not wanting me to get a small drink and whatnot. But I'm glad I quit. I got over it after a while.

Life has been hard for me. Finding work has been hard and rejection hurts. Going thru life got to me when I kept trying hard to get thru and I could never make it no matter how hard i kept trying. and it sucks.

I want to keep all my good things, but the reality is, I got myself to blame. Vulnerability sucks and when your health and stuff are taken from you, I had no clue what to do or how to go about it. At all. I was praying and no matter how hard I kept praying, I had to go and live with the life changes and I hated it.

I would have still kept my old dA account, kept all that stuff and pushed into the program, but life throws curveballs, false friends and the like. 

I still can't get over my friend stealing from me and getting me into things I never wanted to. HE was a bad influence and honestly, never liked him. I felt sorry for him, but he was never good. He was garbage and honestly, I hate that.

Those games are hard to get now being out of print.

I lost my manga and all that good stuff and I'm honestly just very sad and disappionted with myself in life.  I was supposed to be successful and i never happened at all. I can't figure out why but i never got there nor do i know why I'm like that and i hate it.

if time travel existed, it would just to be to tell myself to get into nursing at that time, study for the class and get into the program and start working and making money and go for my masters in it. Forget psychology and neuro, just get it, get my undergrads and my minor in kinesiology or psychology and go for my black belts and keep pushing in life.

Radical Rave and edge wouldn't have made it, but at least i would have at least done something but i have regrets. Too many. I never got out of that funk I kept trying to get out of, but i wish i prayed and asked for guidance to keep going and do good and keep away from bad people i should keep and get away from. I wish i had good people but i always had bad people in my life and i hated it.

I regret many things, and this garbage i faced for the past many years just never goes away and have prayed hard to get out of it and I'm sick of enduring it no matter how hard i keep trying to get out of it and i hate it. i seriously hate it alot.

will nursing help me out? probably not. but i hate being broke and unemployed and having no money. It has been a struggle always looking for work and i have to get used to the fact that i got to shape up, put up and shut up. i can't live life the way i want to and have to get used to that.